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Mom balls those things you develop when someone messes with your kid shirt
The psychologist informed my mother, that I was the kind of child, whom would never forgive a liar. So she was told to come clean with all lies she might have told me, before I grew up to find out myself. So as a little boy, I naturally connected the word with how she dressed and overall looked.
To me, I connected it with young and fit women wearing makeup and very short skirts and tops. That resulted in me pointing out hookers on the street during hot summer days, which my mom quickly reacted to of course, and told me that just because they looked that way and dressed like that, that they weren't necessarily hookers.
Again, I connected it with how people looked. And what I had seen, was a woman whom was dark under her eyes and acted aggressive. So I thought regular women wearing dark makeup was junkies, until my mother yet again told me, that it wasn't always like that. So I chose to throw a lie her way and not a very good one considering the outcome.
All in all my mother made me the man I am today. One whom never lies, not even for my own benefits unless of course it's regarding presents. I have never done drugs but I still support the individuals rights to do with ones body as one pleases. I'm a man of great love towards the people in my life, and I easily take in new loved ones.
I never beat up another person, only hitting friends shoulders in my teens, but never a true fight have I ever engaged in. I always treat other people with respect, until they do not deserve my respect anymore. And all this, I thank my mother for, because without her guidance and her unorthodox methods, it could have been a whole other story.
We recently started piano lessons, and we treat them as family affairs. They are still young, so one of us sits by them and plays the accompaniment with them. We keep it fun by singing the songs with them as they play. So I have a giant stash of art supplies and we do an art project together at least once a week.
The kids are taught the alphabet. They learn their colors and their names. They do crafts and play on the swingset outside. One wall is decorated with children's pictures, from infant to young adult. She buys each child a birthday present. Because they are so little she often uses her van to pick up kids on the weekend to drive them to one of her kid’s birthday parties.
Our children are better for knowing her. She has a different culture. She feeds them kimchee and seaweed sushi. Brought chestnuts to throw at my youngest daughter's wedding. She tells them about respecting your elders and working together to achieve a goal. The other day we were at the store and my youngest grandson saw someone who looked like her.
He avoided his diagnosis for a long time. Getting him to realize that our way thinking can be an obstacle if not treated or leveraged to our advantage once treated. Now that he accepts that he has it and that it’s a variation in thinking he is much happier with himself. It has also opened the way for open discussions and explanations, not excuses.
We did not force him to take stimulants. Now that he is in college is he thinking about going on them. I do encourage him to re-trial now that he is older, but it is not a forced thing. If he would have been diagnosed in grade school we would have had more pursuasive conversations about why he should take stimulants and their benefits.
We did have him trial meds at 16, but he didn’t like the side effects so he stopped taking them. I do bi-weekly coaching with my son. What is going well versus what is not. What things does he need to get done and what exact steps does he need to take to get there. How he can manage the stresses of work, school, and home life.
I send him podcasts or excerpts of podcasts that we discuss during our coaching session. Overall, we take a collaborative approach. This is most effective for all ADHD kids. Without their buy in you will go nowhere fast. We naturally collaborate with all our kids, to the extent possible and based on their social and emotional maturity.
I encourage exercise, healthy eating, mindfulness meditation, journaling, and the use of a calendar for future planning. The ball is in his court. If he fails that’s on him. He knows that. I will give him the resources that he needs to succeed and it’s up to him. If he does fail we go back to where he went wrong, how he can improve for next time.
Parameters are established, he has to abide by them or else. He knows the boundaries are clear and if he chooses to violate them, he chooses for me to come down on him. His choice, not mine. No BS. Acceptance, assistance, assurance is what he will receive. Therefore, he knows he cannot pull much, if anything, over on me.
That keeps he and I happy and honest with one another. No doubt there were rough patches, but now that they are worked out he’s the happiest he’s been in a long time. I got the game out about three years ago when my oldest was ten and my middle one was seven. The seven year old is a little bit more creative and rebellious.
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